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Apart from the suicide jockeys, who are really just stupid, not tools, until today I hadn’t considered that any real tools lived in Vietnam.
Of course, I’d forgotten about the ex-pats.

I received an email today from a local cricket team who shall remain nameless. It’s purpose was to get the boys revved up for the new season about to start – there’ll be a gathering soon. For some reason it initiated a spate of replies from the yobbos who play in this team, all demanding their spot in the sun for all the wrong reasons.

It started with a simple, yet effective “NO WOMEN!” suggestion. How “Lords” like I thought, but perhaps it was just a very poorly structured joke.  Then I read the rest of the replies. It seems that the vocal members of this club are not only sexist, but boorish and offensive.  Comments ranged from the mildly clever, yet pointedly sexist, to the bluntly disgusting with the addition of an unsuitable photo to go with it. The club in question would seem to be rooted in the seventies, and I want no part of it.

Once I had scrolled to the very end of this long discourse from those possessing nothing but dinosaur testosterone, I got to the part which inspired me to resurrect The Toolbox briefly. The final comment came from none other than the C.O.O. of a rather prominent international bank based in Vietnam. Further investigation revealed more representatives of high-profile companies.

My guess is that if anyone important participated in this type of behaviour back at home they’d be very quickly publicly embarrassed. I’d certainly be forwarding the email to the papers for their enjoyment.  I won’t be doing that here, as burning bridges is not a good idea in the relatively small ex-pat world within Vietnam.

Over here I guess the world of sex equality is still a pipedream, and many male ex-pats revel in the old ways.  I’ve already met more than my fair share of “men” who tell me that over here you have to treat the women like sh*t because the rules of relationships back home just don’t apply and women will accept whatever you throw at them. What a bunch of disgusting pigs is my reaction on the inside. Why do something disrespectful just because you can?

So, without naming any names or showing any faces, I slap the Toolbox paintbrush on those ex-pats in Vietnam deserving of said brush.

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Wayne Carey.

I could end it right there, and you’d all have read enough. However, this being a global internet, there are many of you out there who could use more information.
Where do I start? Firstly, Wayne Carey was a very good Aussie Rules footballer. A very, very good one. One we all loved to hate unless we barracked for his team, North Melbourne (The Kangaroos to you modern young things).
Wayne began to allow his on-field arrogance ooze over into his personal, and unfortunately oh so public life, resulting in some of the following alleged and actual acts:

• Sexual harrassment
• Drunken violence
• Having an affair with his vice-captain’s wife
• Sleeping with anything that moved
• Giving character evidence for a well-known underworld figure
• Attacking his girlfriend more than once
• Attacking police more than once
• Arrogance beyond mortal limits
• Being a very unattractive man

From the first day I laid eyes on Wayne Carey, I just knew he was a man to be naturally disliked. I have since been proven right, and the inaugural Tool Box award could not be given to a more deserving individual.

Congratulations Wayne, your trophy is in the mail. Or it will be if you ever come back out of hiding…