19th February 2008

Ben Cousins

I’ll announce up front that the following post is probably going to alienate many women.  But I qualify this with the statement that if there was a female version of the word “tool”, site I would most likely apply it to all women who find Ben Cousins attractive.  With the exception of someone in particular who knows they are wrong, more about but can’t bear to admit it. 😉

Ben Cousins

OK, page so Ben is another footballer.  I’ll run out of these quickly and move onto more global subjects next, but right now footy is dominating my mind.   Ben Cousins was once the king of AFL.  King of the West Coast.  Public king-pin of the Perth underworld, some might say.  Well, maybe I’m overstating that just a little too much.  Let’s just say that his choice of friends was poor at best.  Ben is a very good looking man – even I can see that.  It’s fortunate that most intelligent women need more than a great body to float their boat, and Ben currently sucks at anything other than footy and looks.  The massive tattoo across his stomach says it all “Such is Life”.  Shows he really thinks about consequences, eh?

Ben Cousins started life like any boy with greater than average sporting ability, joined the West Coast Eagles at the time of their ascension to power and rose through the ranks of the AFL to become it’s most elite representative – a winner of the Brownlow medal.  (Overseas folk – Wikipedia is your friend).  Whilst doing so he got caught up in the excesses associated with the level of hero worship applied by the locals to this bunch of pseudo-gods.  This included social drug use,  crazy escapades with gun-toting underworld figures, and rampant night-clubbing often ending in members of the public witnessing Ben at his drunken, drugged worst.  Ben has since been caught, banned from AFL, and is supposedly in rehab – although at the time of writing he doesn’t seem to take that seriously.

What makes Ben a tool is his inability to understand his position of responsibility, and to act in a mature fashion.  Let’s face it, many of the general public act no differently to he.  In his favour he has a level of intelligence that, if applied correctly,  and combined with a recognition of the need to grow up, will result in a resurrection of sorts.  For now, he appears to be only interesting in partying.

Wayne Carey is a lost cause.  Ben Cousins, whilst made of the same raw material, may yet be saved.

Author: The Handyman | Posted in Ben Cousins, drugs, Sports | 0 Comments

11th February 2008

Heath Ledger – Tool or Ledgend?

Note: The following solicitation may not fully reflect the personal views of The Handyman. Please direct all flames to the author. 🙂

Heath Ledger

By any account Heath Ledger was a great success. As an actor, salve family man and all around nice guy. But somehow he was dumb enough to mix up a cocktail of prescription drugs and destroy all of that. Does this make him a tool, or simply a bit of an idiot who made a huge mistake? After all, is there anyone reading this who hasn’t very nearly accidentally taken an overdose of five different prescription only painkillers and anti-anxiety meds and then washed them all down with a bottle of cough medicine? It could happen to anyone, couldn’t it? So that doesn’t make him a tool.

Or is he a tool for the utterly mundane and boring method of death? An accidental overdose in Hollywood should involve heroin or at the very least unfeasibly huge amounts of alcohol. It almost seems that there are those in the mainstream media who feel offended that he died in such a normal way. But again, I don’t think that makes him a tool, just a normal bloke.

So who is the tool in this tale? Maybe it’s the masseuse who found him. I imagine that most people on finding a dying movie star would call for a paramedic, or some form of medical assistance. But not a Hollywood masseuse. No, she chose to call Mary-Kate Olsen. Does this mean the masseuse is the tool here? Not necessarily, she may just have been a simpleton who believed that Mary-Kate, along with her sister Ashley, would use her Wonder-Twin powers and fly over to save the day. She was calling the person she genuinely thought would be able to provide the quickest assistance. But Ashley was not around and Mary-Kate was powerless.

What did Mary-Kate do? Did she call the paramedics? Did she alert the emergency services? No, she called her security people and had them rush over. Maybe she’s the tool? Well, maybe not. I’m sure Mary-Kate realised that it wouldn’t take too long before the masseuse realised that photos of a movie star in his deathbed would be worth more than a whole year of “happy endings” – so she sent her security over to protect Heath’s privacy. What a good friend.

Which leaves us with the question, who are the tools in this story? Heath made a human mistake; the masseuse tried her best to find someone to help him; Mary-Kate protected his privacy. The tools must be the paramedics. Why do they travel everywhere in ground vehicles, having to deal with traffic and taking far too long to get to their destination? They should be jumping out of planes like the paratroopers they are named after. The tools.

Author: Plankman | Posted in accident, actor, drugs, Heath Ledger, hollywood, media, movies | 0 Comments

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